i already hear my dad disowning me
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize