You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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