I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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