Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
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I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
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Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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