dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize