the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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