i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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