This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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