a queef is a wish your heart makes.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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