Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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