All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize