You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize