im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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