The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
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I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
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If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
where are my eyebrows?
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