I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
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There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
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I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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