my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
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