No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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