so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
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shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
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Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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