she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ATM looks so different sober.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize