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i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
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