1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
so let's talk penis.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
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I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
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This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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