Hey man sorry I got all grabby
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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