I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
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I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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