You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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