I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
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i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
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I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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