he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
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You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
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I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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