I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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