she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
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Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
My dad is sitting where you rode me
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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