Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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