we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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