goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize