I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
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He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
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We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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