I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
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And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
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He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
COCAINE IS GR8
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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