You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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