got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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