What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
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so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
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Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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