I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
only you would photoshop your dick
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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