i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
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So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
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I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
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