think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize