When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
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and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
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i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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