i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
he high fived his dick after we had sex
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize