12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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