My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
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She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
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bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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