Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
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The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
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As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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