Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
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