he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
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i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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