yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I am spending my child support on dildos
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
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I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
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Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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