i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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