I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
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hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
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This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize