The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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